Hurt people hurt people: A new era of toxicity.

Let’s face it: men can never get it right. Am I right, ladies?

While expectations and standards are good to have, the truth is that when it comes to men, simplicity is always better, and it is better to be realistic for your sanity and ours.

Still, as hard as we may try, we find a way to flop on even the “simplest” things, like we’ll NEVER understand how a girl is really feeling, why you’re almost always cold, and perhaps the most pertinent thing we’ll never get right - is knowing that a woman is always right. (Yes, even when she’s wrong - she’s right, brava. Just be quiet.)

Long story short: men will never understand women. Even Steve Harvey has had 3 marriages. However, it looks like 3rd time’s the charm.

However, I do have a question. Do women understand men? #Justasking

I cannot speak for the inner workings of the relationships between men and women outside of my own experience. So, I can’t comment on how things were before I existed or how things are outside of my own experience.

In my lifetime, when we were kids, we were taught how to treat women and not what to expect from women. Meanwhile, girls were taught what to expect from men and not how to treat them. I did the same thing in my teen years, except we had the internet and social media to double down on the message. And now, in my adulthood, it’s time to apply the lessons we were taught.

But they don’t work.

Ladies can make themselves happy; they don’t need a man. Women are boss bitches making their own way; they don’t need a man. And don’t get me started on chivalry or being a gentleman, you simp.

The disconnect between men and women is breeding a new era of toxicity, where men and women treat each other as terribly as they can because hurt people hurt people. And there needs to be a change.

That starts with an open-hearted conversation.

As a man, I cannot comment on women, nor can I speak for other men, but here’s what I think can be done to bridge the gap in understanding based on my own experience.

Ladies, men only have so many fucks to give - at least I do. It doesn’t matter how much I may love or care for you - if the fucks have runneth dry, that’s the end of it. I have no more to give. (BTW, this isn’t limited to romantic partners. You could be one of the homies, my boss, a stranger, or even my mother. If the tank is empty, it’s empty - it doesn’t matter who you are)

Gents, if the above sounds true to you, you desperately need to make sure the ladies in your life understand it.

It sounds pretty harsh, but there’s a reason.

In my experience, it doesn’t really matter what we think, want, or feel. As men, we have responsibilities, and they’re non-negotiable. Men, real men, make sure that their people’s needs are taken care of (food, clothing, shelter, security, and, to a certain extent, happiness); anything less than that, and you’re not a man.

Add to this the need for bedroom performance and emotional intelligence, and I’m sure you can see where all our fucks go.

What Gertrude said about Matilda at lunch isn’t significant enough for us to care about. (I know no one born in this century has names like Gertrude or Matilda; I’m tired, and those were the first names I could think of people I don’t know, so just run with it).

So, how do we create understanding, then?

Gents, we need to get better at communicating.

In my experience, when there were tough decisions to be made between a woman and me, she usually has the emotional response, and I’m usually the logical one.

Like taking medication, for example. I had a friend who doesn’t see the importance of taking them at the same time every day because they'll be in her system at the end of the day. So, if she's sick and doesn't feel like taking her meds at 8 on one particular morning, she won’t. What’s not being accounted for is, with certain illnesses, taking your meds irregularly leads to drug resistance, and whether or not the sickness you have is one such illness, it’s good practice to take your meds at the same time every day.

Aaaannnnnd... Boom, we have a disconnect.

To get us seeing eye-to-eye, I say: “I only have “x” amount of fucks to give to this situation. I can either care about your feelings or about your life/well-being. Which one do you need from me?”

That way, we both know where the other person's mind is at going into the situation. Either I’ll keep insisting she takes her meds right or be understanding of her not feeling like it - the choice is hers.

No one solution will ever completely solve the issues between men and women, but we should at least do our best to stamp out toxicity.

Women need to be supporters of real men, and men need to be supportive of women’s growth.

Anyways, that’s my 2 cents on the matter.