The colour of my skin.

“Beauty is about being comfortable in your own skin. It's about knowing and accepting who you are.” ― Ellen DeGeneres.

It’s interesting to note how many people, especially prolific figures and the health and wellness sector, punt out similar narratives - “The beauty within”, “Be comfortable in your own skin”, “Be yourself”, etc.

But what does that mean?

What does that look like?

Is that even possible?

Personally, I don’t think so. At least not for people of my ethnic persuasion.

I agree that self-acceptance and self-love is incredibly important and, dare I say it, essential to any person’s success, but day after day, I’m learning that no amount of self-love, self-appreciation or whatever trending buzzword we’re using today will overcome entrenched generational prejudice.

White women clutching purses when I step into the elevator.

White men looking at me with this look of disapproval - like “your kind’s not welcome here”.

Black women see me as either useful or useless - no in between. Either you’re just another “broke n***a” or a “blesser”.

Black men see me as a “coconut” (a white-boy wannabe, on account of English being my first language) and target - someone to take out or eliminate.

Where do you go when you’re too black for the white people and too white for the black?

At which point does the content of my character become the thing I’m judged for?

And how the hell do you get comfortable in your own skin when it’s the foundation of everything you’re judged by?

The fact that I’m a South African, in South Africa, you’d think it’d be different. Still, I repeatedly find myself having to prove myself and my worth, to overcome people’s preconceived dispositions, only to be met with cold indifference.

It’s quite the conundrum, as this whole notion of being comfortable in your own skin isn’t quite as literal as I’ve portrayed. However, it is still deeply rooted in the idea of proving worth/value.

But…

“If my aim is to prove I am “enough,” the project goes on to infinity—because the battle was already lost on the day I conceded the issue was debatable.”― Nathaniel Branden