Thinking Thoughts
Almost everyone who knows me knows I’m a straight shooter. I call it as I see it, and I’ve no shame about it.
For the most part, that has served me well. The people in my life know that if you ask me about anything, I’ll tell you the truth the way I see or understand it, and 9 times out of 10, I’m the person who will call your cap and put you in check.
Through this, I’ve built strong relationships with people. To the point that I’m generally the “Dr Phil” of the group - the person you turn to when you need a little guidance or mediation.
I love the word “accountability”. In 5 words or less, it means to me, “no excuses, own it”, which sets a precedent for how I try to live my life. For better or worse, I am my best friend and worst enemy because my choices led me there, whatever the circumstances.
I disdain the word “potential”. About me, it’s usually used as a back-handed compliment. “You have the potential to be a great writer. Your English is great, you’re a profound and conceptual thinker, but you don’t write vernacular”.
People see me as a strong individual, and I love it. I love the idea that I’m the pillar of strength when people need support. I love the idea of being the friend a friend would like to have, and I love that people see me as a fighter for all I’ve overcome.
I feel things. I feel everything, and I feel it with fire. I’ve trained my face to never show it, but I’ve been told I’ve got considerable energy - so if you’re in a room with me, you can always tell what's burning beneath the surface.
I hate pain, all forms of it - intentional or otherwise. I can’t describe what it does to me, but even the simplest form of pain hurts more than I think it should. A slap on the cheek stings for a minute, but the bruises you’ve left on my mind, heart and soul never seem to disappear. More than that, I hate causing pain… of any kind. So, wherever possible, I’ll carry it for you.
I’m tired. I believe I have the strength to carry me through anything. I believe I have enough heart to love through hardship. I believe I have the intelligence to think through difficulties. And I believe I have the spirit to fight our battles.
But it’s complicated.
They say, “God gives his toughest warriors the toughest battles”, but when will there be peace?
